Pokemon: Even more Advanceder
by icecreamhendrix
Summary: Pokemon Advanced redone with 'my' version of Ash. Advancedshipping. Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon**

**Here is a little something to tide you over until Ash's Ladder is updated.  
**

_

* * *

Zzzzz...Zzzzz...._

That was the only distinguishable sound to come out of Ash Ketchum's mouth, as he dozed in a beach chair on the dock of the S.S.-whatever (Ash didn't bother to listen to the name), facing away from the edge. His blue swimming trunks with sky blue polka-dots were shifted to the right. It wasn't subconscious. Ash had an irrational fear that his penis would peek through the slip in the center, and he would get arrested for indecent exposure. Officer Jenny was cute, hell he would probably agree with Brock and call her downright sexy, but he knew from personal experience that she didn't treat suspects so kindly. Just as well, they all dressed like strippers anyway.

Speaking of Brock...

"Ash, wake up, we're about to dock in Littleroot." Brock walked up to him, fully dressed in his new outfit he had bought in their layover from Olivine's brand new department store. Ash thought the earth tones complimented his skin complexion nicely. When he told him that, a few of the other shoppers gave Ash some weird looks, but Brock and Misty had been with him for so long that they had grown used to his non-sequential behavior.

"Hmm," was the only response to stir from his throat. He shifted in his sleep, laying on his right side, making his dollar store sunglasses shift up to the top of his head. Pikachu steadily woke up from underneath the beach chair and stretched before hopping up to the railing of the ship to see what was going on. Brock rolled his eyes (not that anyone could tell) and gave his dozing friend a not-so-gentle nudge.

"Ash, wake up, we're an hour away from Littleroot, you need to get dressed so we can go."

"Hmm," Ash responded yet again. This time he did not move, but his eyes fluttered a little bit. Brock thought that he was waking up, and he indeed was, but he apparently decided against it, and resumed his static state. Brock palmed his face, and looked up to see Misty to Ash's left, opposite Brock, wearing her new outfit she had also gotten in Olivine.

Misty sighed, "What's wrong this time, Brock?"

"Take a quick guess."

Misty's eyes rolled, already knowing what the problem was. She grabbed Ash's shoulders and started to shake him violently.

"Ash, wake up, we're almost at Hoenn, and if you don't get dressed now, you're going to miss the dock, and the ship will take off with you still on it, and you'll have to pay for a whole new ticket and waste all this time and money, so WAKE UP!!!"

Misty's screaming finally forced Ash from his slumber, and he stared at her indifferently before he spoke.

"Yes, well, we wouldn't want that to happen, would we?"

Ash gently pushed Misty's hands off of his shoulders, where they promptly fell to her sides. Ash rolled onto his shoulderblades, lifting his feet up, and then gave a violent leap in the air, landing just in front of the beach chair. He then pulled his sunglasses off of his head, stared at them for a moment, and then absentmindedly threw them behind him, clear off the side of the boat.

Brock watched the glasses go flying, but made no effort to go get them, "Uh, Ash?"

"Yes, my squinty-eyed friend?" Ash responded without turning around.

"Why did you throw your sunglasses off the ship?"

Ash blinked, "What ship?" He then turned to face Brock, and noticed the railing, which guarded them from the water, "Oh, yes, the ship we're on. Of course." Ash scratched his below his jaw, the stubble of a prepubescent beard bothering him.

Brock waited a while for an answer, before realizing Ash had forgotten his question, "Ash, why did you throw away your glasses?"

Ash stopped scratching his chin and shrugged, "Why does anyone do anything at all? Why did we stop being hunter-gatherers and develop civilization? Why did people come up with the concept of God?" Ash gave a short, sharp laugh.

Brock's eyebrows became a sharp V, "That's not an answer-"

"But you and I both know that that's the only answer he'll give," Misty sighed, "So don't bother trying."

Ash smirked, "Yes, well, I believe it was mentioned we will be docking soon, am I correct?"

"Yes."

"Fantastic!" Ash clapped his hands together, and then bent over to get a good look at what he was wearing, "Well, I can't very well enter a new town wearing this, now can I? I'm going to go change. Let's see, my room is..." He trailed off, and darted his eyes back and forth in kinetic thought, "Ah, yes, I remember now. I shall join you again shortly, Scout's honor." He walked off, giving a mock Boy Scout hand gesture that wasn't anything like the real thing.

Brock stared at him incredulously, "I can imagine him in Scouts." Misty shook her head and smiled.

* * *

At 1:00 in the afternoon, just as soon as Ash was getting dressed on the S.S.-whatever, a 10-year old girl with a red bandanna, navy biker shorts, and a matching coat and gloves, biked toward Littleroot Town.

That girl was May Maple, and she was pedaling happily at a brisk but comfortable pace, careful not to exert herself. Today was the day she would get her starter Pokemon, and begin her illustrious career as a Pokemon trainer. Traveling across the world, catching more Pokemon, battling other trainers, beating Gym Leaders for cute little badges, and eventually entering the Pokemon League to...honestly she wasn't that exited.

True, she had always wanted to travel, but that was the only reason she was doing this. She didn't like Pokemon at all. She didn't hate them, she was more scared of them than anything, and she was also partially bitter because of her father. Still, she thought she could put up with it, if only to do what she really wants.

So she did have a reason to be happy, as she pedaled on to Littleroot. On the way, a Duskull popped out of nowhere and rushed at her face, scaring her and causing her to crash into a nearby tree. It hurt her shoulder a bit, but she was tough enough to brush it off and continue on her way. The Duskull laughed at her from behind.

* * *

Ash climbed down the ramp, an absentminded smile crawling over his face, as he led his friends through the streets of Littleroot. Professor Oak had given him directions three days before, giving him the location of Professor Birch's house, as well as other places that held no interest to Ash. No matter what anyone said about him, Ash had an ironclad memory when it came to something he cared about.

After what felt like an hour of walking (and Misty pointing out quaint little shops scattered around the town, Ash subsequently ignoring her), he found Professor Birch's abode, clearly marked 'Professor Birch's Laboratory'. Ash liked the word 'abode' better.

He loudly knocked on the wooden door, and one of his assistants answered it, "Yes, can I help you?"

Ash's grin didn't falter, "Why yes, my good sir. Is Professor Birch somewhere in the vicinity?"

The assistant sweatdropped, "Oh, you must be Ash. The professor has been...expecting...you for quite some time now. Come on in so we can get this over with. The professor is seeing someone else, though, so you will have to wait."

Ash raised his right hand parallel to his chest, bending his elbow, "Perfectly fine," and he pushed the assistant out of the way to find the man he was looking for. What he found was something more.

What he found was a girl, at least 2 years younger than her, but you wouldn't know it by looking at her. She had chestnut brown hair, done in the shape of an upside down V. A red bandanna with a white pokeball insignia was tied around her head, forming a dome shape that undoubtedly gave her hat-hair. Her biker shorts showed off her toned legs, which were also accented by her long socks, and her coat did nothing to hide her...assets, which were developing unfairly early. Ash, normally one to not lose his composure, couldn't help put stare at her.

May took notice to this, and blushed, "Uh, hello."

Ash regained his composure, and a absentminded grin crawled over his face over again, "Oh, I apologize. How rude of me to stare at a lady."

Misty placed her hands on her hips, "Really Ash, the only thing I've seen you stare at like that is a stack of pancakes. You must really be head over heels for this girl. You've just met her, for God's sake!"

May blush a bit more, "Y-you like me?"

Ash's smile widened, "Well, there are so many definitions for the word 'like'. The archaic usage dictates that it means 'to please', and it can also mean 'to enjoy', 'to prefer as a regular action or habit', or, as you seem to imply, 'to find attractive'." he picked up her hand and held it in front of his face, "Regardless, my name is Ash Ketchum, and I **do**...like you." Ash gave her hand a light kiss, "Take that however you will."

When he kissed the back of her hand, May's light blush started to dominate her entire face.

"Uh, uh, well, uh, okay, but Professor Birch and I were in the middle of something before you walked in so if you could just stop interrupting that would be great." May stammered, clearly embarrassed.

Ash only grinned.

* * *

May had finally chosen her starter Pokemon, a Torchic. She was just about to get back to her bike and ride off. Although she was slightly intrigued by this strange older boy in a baseball cap, she was also a bit put-off by him. She was 5 feet from her bike, when Ash whispered in his Pikachu's ear.

"Pikachu, Thunderbolt that girl's bike." Pikachu's eyes bulged at his trainer's request.

"Just do it. I promise, next town we come to, I'll buy you two fresh bottles of ketchup. Sound good?"

The enticement of ketchup stopped any questioning on Pikachu's mind, and he fired up his red cheeks.

"Pika-CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

The yellow energy made contact with the metal two-wheeled vehicle almost immediately, frying it to a useless black husk. May drew back in fear, and when it was finished, she turned to the strange boy, eyes flared in anger. Before she could tell him off however, he strutted right in front of her and started rambling.

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. My Pikachu has been very sick lately. He had a bad encounter with an electromagnet, and his electrical discharging process is all messed up. It will work itself out eventually, but he's just been electrocuting stuff right and left. You should have seen it a week a go, we had to pay 700 dollars to fix someone's laptop! Let me make it up to you. We can't pay for it right now, we're a bit strapped for cash, but if you travel with us, I promise we will pay for the whole thing."

May looked flabbergasted, "Okay."

Ash grinned, "Yes, well, since you are new to the trade, I will be happy to personally...tutor you in the finer nuances of Pokemon training."

"Okay."

Ash clapped his hands together, "Fantastic! Since we no longer have any business in this quaint little town, how about we find the nearest dumpster, throw your useless hunk of metal away, and go on our way. Does that sound good to you?"

May nodded.

Ash only smiled, picked up May's, and walked away to find a dumpster. Brock followed suite, with May doing the same after recovering from her shock.

Misty eyed May suspiciously, and then followed


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon**

**OMG I am such a lazy bum. I meant this to be a muuuuch longer remake of ep 2, but I keep getting distracted...watching 80's toku :(. To make up for it slightly, I will answer all of the reviews I have gotten so far.**

**Ashton Nauran- I had to look up the word 'verbose' thanks to you. Expect to see it tuck away later in the fic.**

**Gerbilftw- if by 'inappropriate', you mean 'sexual', then...probably not.**

**Awful Waffle- The Penguin?**

**the persuit of shiney things- My Ash isn't meant to be likable. He's meant to be interesting and hilarious, so there.**

**EmperorDraco7- You're right, and thank you.**

**Anyway, R&R I suppose  
**

* * *

"Ugh, how long have we been walking? My feet are killing me!"

May was a good two feet behind everyone else, and she didn't give any sighs of catching up to them soon. Ash, at first, ignored her cries of fatigue, but eventually spoke up.

"C'mon, May, walking is good for you. It helps build up your stamina, something you're obviously lacking, and that can help you catch a runaway Pokemon you just happen to have your eye on."

May gave a loud whine, forcing Misty to roll her eyes. Ash continued.

"Don't worry, my young student, I promise, all this hard working will pay off in the end. That's all Pokemon training really needs is some elbow grease. Hell, that's all any job in the world need. Well, except fast-food restaurants, but that's beside the point."

May raised an eyebrow, "Well then, 'teacher', just what is your point?"

Ash blinked, "I thought it was pretty clear. Let me spell it out for you. We're going to keep walking no matter how much you complain, so shut up."

May's expression became dour, "But I thought you said you like me..."

"I do like you. That's why I'm giving you a warning."

Brock turned to face her, "It's true. He hardly ever warns even us."

"About what?" May asked.

Brock was about to say, when Ash put a finger to his lips, "Leave it to your imagination, sweet cheeks."

May blushed yet again at 'sweet cheeks'. Was he going to keep doing this even when they went to her...

"Gosh May, I never knew you were such a crybaby."

May snapped her head up to see who made that comment, and scowled when she realized it was Misty. May didn't know exactly what she did to piss her off, but this entire walk she's been sniping not-so-innocuous comments at her, all with a smarmy and condescending tone that was hard not to notice. So, either Ash was incredibly dense, he considered her harmless, or he was waiting for the right time to deal with her. May honestly had no idea which it was.

"I am not a crybaby! I'm just not used to walking for so long!" May cried indignantly.

Misty gave a short laugh, "Well, what was there to stop from doing a little cardio at home? I mean, honestly, you act like you never even wanted to be a Pokemon trainer in the first place."

That one hit May a little too close to home.

No, she said to herself, not now. Wait for when she's all by herself, and then sneak up behind her and claw those ammonia-blue eyes out of her lesbian skull!

May smiled, imagining what color Misty's eye juices would look like leaking from her face.

* * *

After walking for what felt like hours (to May at least), they came to a strange clearing in the middle of nowhere.

The most interesting part, which you would have to be blind not to notice, were the large protruding stone block stacked on top of a small spot of barren landscape. These bricks were not only unique because of the organized way they have been arrange, nor the fact that large stones aren't seen terribly often en masse, but strange blue glyphs that were barely visible, but still served to give the stones an ethereal, transcendental quality to them.

Ash passed by without so much as glancing at it.

Misty was immediately taken with it.

"Oh wow! What in the world is all this?!"

Brock stood beside her, equally in awe, "Yeah! Hey Ash! Come check this out!

Ash continued to walk on, pretending not to hear his friend's request. Eventually, May caught up with the two onlookers. Whatever breath she had before was immediately lost by the stone formations.

"Oh wow! What in the world is this?!"

Ash almost left a black streak running to May's side, "Wow indeed. This is by and far one of the most incredible world wonders I've seen in my life! And I can tell you, despite my relatively short time on this planet, and the average life expectancy of the average Pokemon trainer, I have seen some doozies!"

"Haha," a mysterious voice said, "I see Professor Birch wasn't lying; the infamous Ash Ketchum has come to Hoenn."

The group of five turned their heads to see a tall, young man with a hipster ponytail and an all-around archeologist look to him standing behind them, wearing a sly half-grin.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon**

**Once again, a short chapter. I originally intended to divide ep 2 into two chapters, but I got lazy one day (as previously mentioned), so now it will be 3-4 chapters. Consider this an addendum to ch. 2, or ch. 2.5.**

**EmperorDraco7- What mysterious person? It's just the COD from that episode. And I just wanted to put the Azurill part in a later area of the story is all.**

**Gerbilftw- Thank you.**

**R&R I suppose  
**

* * *

"Haha," a mysterious voice said, "I see Professor Birch wasn't lying; the infamous Ash Ketchum has come to Hoenn."

The group of five turned their heads to see a tall, young man with a hipster ponytail and an all-around archeologist look to him standing behind them, wearing a sly half-grin.

Ash cracked his neck and scowled, "Well, since you seem to know so much about me, smarty-pants, why don't you tell up who you are?"

The man chuckled, "My name's Professor Alden, and I've been told about you and your gang of vagabonds." He put his hand to his chin, "Hmmm, the one with the squinty eyes is Brock, right?" Brock nodded. "I thought so. But I was told that there was only one girl in the group. Let's see, the cute little redhead over here is Misty, aren't you?" Misty nodded, smiling at being called 'cute'. "Yes, which only leaves you. So, what's your name?"

"My name is-" May was cut off.

"None of your business." Ash responded curtly, "My good sir, doesn't it strike you as rude at all to reveal information you know about someone before formal introduction?"

Alden looked confused, "Not really-"

"Well I do! And furthermore, where do you get off assuming who people are in the first place? Why, did you even entertain the possibility that you could be wrong?! Don't you know what they say about people that make assumptions? You will be an 'ass' and the 'ump' will 'tion' you! You had no credible evidence about my identity at all! I'm sure that there are hundreds of people around the world who have baseball caps like this, with Pikachus on there shoulders, traveling with a tall kid with dark skin, a gorgeous brunette, and a cute but moody redhead! Why that kind of presumptuous attitude will get you hurt, you dirty, blue-collar barbarian!" Ash stormed off, "Come on, everyone! Let's leave this crass beatnik behind unceremoniously. We have places to go and important things to do."

"But Ash!" May responded.

Ash turned around, "Don't say our names in front of him, bandanna girl!" and he turned back.

Brock and Misty followed, with Brock rubbing his temples and Misty palming her face. May stood by and spoke again.

"But I wanna find out what all these rocks are here for!"

Brock stopped and faced her, "May, whenever Ash gets like this, there's no reasoning with him. It's best to just go along with it until he calms down."

May huffed and followed behind Brock, worried what a relationship with a guy like this would be like.

The entire time, Professor Alden stood in one spot, stunned

* * *

Eventually, the gang came upon a lake, where they decided to relax for a while before heading to Oldale. The lake was probably three feet from Oldale, but May refused to move any more, and Ash conceded to her request, smiling as usual.

May was about to lie down on the grass overlooking the water, when she heard a bush rustling. She looked up and saw...

"Azurill."

May stood wide-eyed, admiring the most adorable Pokemon she had ever seen, before squealing very loudly. The Azurill froze in place, and Ash ran over to his student/girlfriend-hopeful to see what the commotion was about.

May looked at Ash, still wide-eyed, "Oh my god, Ash, do you see that thing! It is soooo cute!"

Ash smiled, "Well, if you think it's soooo cute, why don't you catch it? You're a Pokemon trainer after all. That's what we do."

May smiled, "Oh yeah, right! Let's see..." she pulled out an empty pokeball, "So, I just take a pokeball, and..."

Ash grabbed her arm, "No no no no no no no, sweet cheeks. You have to weaken it first."

"Oh, right." May paused, "How do I do that again?"

Ash chuckled, "By sending out your Pokemon and fighting with it."

"Oh, I knew that." May plucked Torchic's pokeball and threw it, "Go Torchic!"

A while flash appeared a foot away from May. She had yet to develop a credible throwing arm.

"Toooorchic!"

"Right! Torchic, use....uh, what attacks do you know?"

Torchic sighed, and let loose small red spheres from its beak, which promptly struck Azurill and knocked it unconscious.

"Yeah! That will work! Go pokeball"

May threw and empty red and white sphere, which struck the Azurill, opened, consumed it. The ball then proceeded to vibrate violently before finally letting off a beep, signifying a successful capture.

May jumped up in cheer, "Awesome! I caught my first Pokemon!"

Ash jumped with her, "Great job, sweet cheeks."

Suddenly a gloved hand popped out of the bush near Azurill's pokeball, "Yoink."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon**

**Not much to say. R&R I suppose.  
**

* * *

Suddenly a gloved hand popped out of the bush near Azurill's pokeball, "Yoink."

Ash palmed his face, fully expectant of what was to come next.

Out of the bush, two young adults, one with blue hair holding a Poke Ball, one with red hair shaped like a spike, along with a scrawny Meowth, popped up, posed, and delivered a familiar and tired mantra.

"Prepare for trouble. We've got your ball."

"Make it double, and shut your mouth once and for all!"

"To protect the world from devastation."

"To unite all peoples within our nation."

"To denounce the evils of truth and love."

"To extend our reach to the stars above."

"Jessie."

"James."

"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!"

"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"

These was a long pause, when Jessie finally spoke, "Meowth, that was your cue!"

However, Jessie soon saw Meowth, sprawled on the ground, unconscious. James knelt down to see what was wrong, when he realized the ball he had stolen was missing. James let out a squeal of surprise, and turned around to see Ash hold the ball between his index finger and thumb, smiling defiantly.

"You know, maybe you should rethink the whole 'extended introduction' concept. It doesn't really add anything aesthetically, and it provides your opponents ample time to perform a counter-operation while you stand there looking like dolts, posing and rhyming and whatnot."

May looked at Ash curiously, "Uh, Ash, do you know these people?"

Ash handed May her Azurill without even looking at her, "Just a couple of wannabe-criminals who persistence doesn't even begin to counter-balance their incompetence. They've been following me ever since my second day being a trainer, yet they've yet to make any progress whatsoever in completing their first assignment; namely, stealing Pikachu."

"Pika." Pikachu muttered indignantly.

"Hey, that's not fair!" Jessie growled, "If anything, our persistence overweighs our incompetence by...a lot!"

Ash snapped his fingers, "Pikachu, Thunderbolt, if you would please."

Pikachu's cheeks sizzled with power, but...

"Not this time, twerp!"

Jessie pulled out a remote, and from nowhere a big mechanical hand coated in red rubber reached out and grabbed the mouse, placing it in a metal cage.

James laughed, "No progress, eh, twerp? Then what do you call that?"

Ash giggled condescendingly, "Pikachu, Thunderbolt, once again."

Jessie scoffed, "Please, twerp! Do you honestly think we don't learn from our mistakes? That cage has been insulated from electrical attacks! How do you expect...."

Jessie was cut short when the cage exploded, and Pikachu was free yet again.

James was surprised, "Impossible!"

Ash spoke, "Jessie, do you remember the man who sold you that cage?"

"Yeah. What of it?"

"Tell me, what did he look like?"

"Well, he had black, messy hair, and a pencil-thin mustache..."

Ash reached into his pocket and pulled something out, "Like this one."

Inside Ash's hand was a false mustache, pencil thin.

"Here's a new lesson for you two; always check the credentials of the people you buy stuff from. Pikachu, blast these losers away."

"Pika-CHUUUUUUUU!!!"

Pikachu's electric discharge made contact, and the trio flew into the air, screaming.

"That mouthy twerp! Every time he starts one of his rambling speeches, he makes my blood boil!"

"Maybe he's right though, Jess. We haven't really done anything notable since we got started."

"All we need is a new image! Yeah! Tomorrow is the beginning of the new Team Rocket, with a bigger and better motto!"

"But Jessie, didn't he say..."

"BIGGER AND BETTER MOTTO! But until then..."

"Look's like Team Rocket's blasting off again!"

May placed her hand above her eyes, shielding them from the sun, as she watched these strange clowns fly into the air, and off into the distance.

"Wow, do they always fail that miserably?"

Ash chucked, "Yeah." Then he closed his eyes and gave a slight sniff.

May raised an eyebrow, "What are you doing?"

Ash opened his eyes, "You smell like cherry pie."

"Oh... is that good?"

"Well, that depends. Do you like cherry pie?"

"Not really."

"Then you smell like pumpkin pie."

"I don't like pumpkin pie either."

"You're not giving me a lot to work with."


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own...anything I mention in this chapter (which is a lot)**

**Gerbilftw, I have officially gone against what I said to you. Get over it, wussy.**

**R&R I suppose  
**

* * *

"See, that's the thing about Metalocalypse that no one else understands. The songs being unintelligible garbage doesn't hide the joke: it is the joke. It's a commentary on how, to the casual listener, metal music is completely garbled, and easily judged as 'base' and not worth there time. Metalocalypse understands this, so its music is basically making fun of that archetype."

In one booth table of the Oldale Pokemon Center's eating corner, while Brock was flirting with Nurse Joy and Misty was ripping his ear off, May was listening to Ash, not having the slightest idea what he was talking about.

"How did we get started talking about Metalocalypse?" May questioned incredulously, "I don't even like Metalocalypse. I don't even watch Metalocalypse! Exactly what chain of events led to... Metalocalypse!"

Ash adjusted his hat slightly, then turned to May, who was sitting next to him with him on the outside, "Well, I believe we were talking about our respective childhoods, and that led to cartoons, which led to Cartoon Network, led to Adult Swin, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, then to Metalocalypse. Which leads to this: What do you have against Metalocalypse?"

May stuck her nose in the air, "Nothing, I just don't listen to metal, so I guess I don't get a lot of the jokes. Besides, I'm a much bigger fan of Superjail."

Ash raised an eyebrow, "Superjail? Wow, I didn't think you'd be into something so...visceral."

May shot him a dirty look, "Is that a problem?"

Ash shook his head rapidly, "Oh, no no no no no no no. I like Superjail just fine, although sometimes the more surreal humor is lost on me."

May shifted nervously, "Well, I used to stay up and watch it with my uncle, and he's a...stoner, so he would often explain it to me so I could understand it. Well, whenever he was sober enough."

Ash chuckled, "Wow May, I never knew you had such a....fruitful background. Which makes me realize, you still haven't told me anything about your parents."

May shut her mouth and glanced around nervously, wondering what was taking Misty so long in the bathroom.

"Honestly, honey, why would you want to know about her boring life, whenever you have me?!"

Suddenly, a pair of arms inside a red jacket reached over the bench and wrapped themselves around Ash's neck. Ash sighed, and May looked over to see that the arms belonged to a girl with blond pigtails and a plain red-and-white baseball cap.

Ash sighed, "Hi, Domino."

The blond girl's face was lit up like a Chrismas tree, "Hello, lovey-dovey! Thought you could hide from me by going to a new place, didn't ya? But I found you, yes I did! And now I'm gonna have you all...to...my...self!"

Domino glanced to the left, "And who is this new little hussy? Is she stealing any of my kisses?"

May's left eyelid twitched at that comment, "My name is May. Don't worry, I'm just a friend of his."

Domino smirked, "Well, my name is Domino, and I am Ash's..."

"Stalker," Ash pushed her arms off of him. "And by the by, you blond Beetleborg, May might be my friend as of this moment, but she definitely has a much larger chance of becoming an item with me than you. Here is a tip: no man, woman, pokemon, or even plant like it whenever you get too clingy and follow them around to every corner of the Earth. This is not Two and a Half Men, so please go away before I file a restraining order. Again."

Domino's eyes contorted as she stared at May, but before she could say something, Pikachu jumped on Domino's table.

"Pikachu," Ash snapped his fingers, "Thunder Wave."

Pikachu obeyed, and the three of them walked out of the food corner while Domino lay on the floor, twitching.

* * *

"What's wrong with him?" May asked innocently.

"He flirted with Nurse Joy for too long, and she retaliated, as it were."

Ash, May, and Misty all were standing in the Center's lobby, while Brock lay on the floor, cupping his sore crotch.

Ash giggled, "You see, Brock likes to refer to himself as a 'hopeless romantic', but I see him as more of a 'date rapist in training'."

May nodded, "Yeah, I can see that. So tell me, what exactly did you do to that Domino girl to make her follow you everywhere?"

Misty stared at Ash, "Domino was here?!"

Ash nodded, "Yeah. She followed us from the Silver Conference, apparently. Anyway to answer your question, May," Ash turned to leave, "I slept with her," and he left.

May's eyes shot open at this revelation, "What? But aren't you, like, 13 or something?"

Ash kept walking, "Yeah, but I met her when I was 11. Good night, love. I've had a long day, and I'm going to bed."

May shook her head, "Man, he is so strange. He lost his virginity at 11."

"Actually," Misty corrected, "he lost it at 10."

May raised her eyebrow, "How do you know that?"

Misty grinned, " 'Cause he lost it to me, girly girl. I'm going to bed too. Sweet dreams."

May's jaw was now metaphorically on the floor, and she looked back at Brock, still unconscious.

"What is wrong with you people?! In what world do you live in where it's okay for 10-year-olds to have SEX?!!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon**

**Okay, this one is really short, but I'm trying to get a little bit of plot going, so bare with me.**

**R&R I suppose  
**

* * *

"C'mon, this way. I think the breaker box is down this hallway."

"Rodney, that's the living quarters! If you go that way you'll wake everybody up!"

"Well then, smarty-pants, where do you think the breaker box is?"

"Obviously, it's past the dining area. God, didn't you bother to read the blueprints for this place before we came here?"

"Well, I knew you would anyway, so I didn't bother with it."

"If you didn't bother, then why are you leading this break-in in the first place?"

Rodney threw up his gloved hands and continued whispering, "Fine, you want it that way, you take charge. If you think you can handle it, Carrie."

Carrie placed her hands on her hips and whispered back, "Okay, I will take charge, and just for that, you're sleeping on the couch when we get back to Team Magma base." Carrie pushed past Rodney and quietly unlatched the door to the restaurant area.

It wasn't quiet enough, apparently, because the alarm went off.

"Mother of hell," Carrie restrained from screaming while dashing to the control box.

"I told you so! Ha!" Rodney followed his girlfriend, mostly to taunt her than to be of any real help.

"Piss off! You didn't think about the alarm either!"

"Yeah, but the living quarters alarms are easier to cut from inside!"

"Screw you!"

* * *

"Vroom! Vroom! Vroom!"

The alarm, sounding remarkably like a Formula-1 race car for no clear reason, was, regardless, loud enough to wake up the denizens of the next building. The residents inside the Pokemon Center all had different reactions to the alarm.

Nurse Joy woke up wondering exactly what tripped it.

Professor Alden, still awake from working thanks to a more-than-healthy dosage of caffeine, was only concerned about that his precious research wouldn't be stolen.

Domino only wondered where Ash was, so he could comfort her and protect her.

Misty woke up with a groan.

Brock wondered where Officer Jenny went, and why he was biting his pillow.

May was so startled she fell out of her bed as was knocked back into unconsciousness.

Ash's only response was to cover his face with a pillow in an fruitless attempt to smother himself, knowing in the back of his mind that he would be dragged into saving the day.

Again.

* * *

**If you can't guess, ****Rodney and Carrie are named after Rodney Carrington. They will sort of be my version of Team Rocket, but they won't outright replace them. At least, not yet.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay, as a somewhat kinda-sorta apology for Ash's Ladder, I finally got off my ass and finished this chapter.**

**Oh, and I finally figured out a theme song for this (I like to listen to music while I write, and certain songs inspire certain moods, and certain moods inspire certain stories for me). "Blister in the Sun" by the Violent Femmes.**

**R&R I suppose  
**

* * *

"God, effing, DAMMIT!"

Ash, giving up on his attempt to asphyxiate himself, threw his pillow swiftly across the room, hitting May and waking her up with a jolt.

"Ash," Misty was awake and standing next to Ash's bed, "what's making that alarm go off?"

"I don't know," Ash stated curtly, not moving his head, "but I really really hope it's false."

"Well, what do you want us to do?"

"Simple, my fiery freeloader, we stay in this exact position until someone walks up and, letting their curiosity get the better of them, suggest we go check out what's happening."

Suddenly, May stumbled next to the others, "Guys, I'm curious. I think we should go check out what's happening."

* * *

"God, effing, DAMMIT!"

Rodney and Carrie, after some searching that was luckily not interrupted by any cops or workers or curious pre-teens, had found the control box for the alarm, which for some reason was next to the breaker box, which was in the kitchen, and Rodney was busy disarming it while Carrie kept look-out for any of the aforementioned archetypes that could possibly interrupt them.

"Not so loud. Do you want someone to hear!" Carrie turned back to her partner, effectively failing at her job.

"Oh, gee, I guess it _would_ be awful if someone heard us over this blaring siren, wouldn't it? Hell, that guy would be a miracle of sonic science! He could be a superhero, like Zubatman or something!" Rodney yelled trying to cover up the fact that he didn't know what he's doing.

Carrie turned her attention back to her guard duty, "I thought you attended that special alarm-disarming class at Magma headquarters. You know, the one that made you miss my _sister's wedding_!

Rodney cringed at the thought of Carrie's sister, and he bemoaned the man who was obviously for to marry such a harpy,"Well, I slept though that class, alright." In frustration, Rodney took his hood off, revealing his perfectly coiffed brown hair.

"It was because of that damn Simmons, wasn't it? I warned you about that bum! What did he give you, anyway? You know what, I don't want to know," She turned her head back once again and saw that Rodney had taken his hood off, "What are you doing? Put you hood back on! Do you want someone to recognize us? I have an aunt that lives here, you know!"

"You always have an aunt that lives here."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Maybe not grammatically, but you understand my point."

"Not really."

"You always seem to have a relative that lives near wherever we're committing a crime! It gets a little stale after awhile. And beside, you and I both hate these uniforms. You always say they make us look like we're in a slutty cult."

Carrie laughed, "Yeah. I mean, why do they cut off at the midriff, anyway?" She took off her hood, revealing a long flow of deep purple hair that hanged loose, without anything holding it up. "Still, they're not as bad as Team Aqua's."

Rodney chuckled, " 'In the NA-vy, you can sail the seven SEAS!' "

The young couple doubled over in laughter, then regained their composure and went back to their respective duties. Eventually, Rodney pulled a wire correctly and the siren went off. Both young adults sighed in relief.

Then Rodney asked the most obvious question, "Now what?"

Carrie shook her head in disbelief.

* * *

"God, effing, DAMMIT!"

Professor Alden, a bit jittery from the copious amounts of coffee he had ingested, started pushing his research materials off of his table. Since the alarm had cut out a while ago, and no cops had arrived, the professor assumed it was a false alarm and went back to his work. At least, that's what he was doing until he found out he was making no headway and grew frustrated, his only thought .

The Oldale Ruins just outside of here held something. Something the edgy professor needed to have, as he was otherwise creditless, and not very well liked in the scientific community due to his caffeine addiction. Almost every little bit of information he had gathered referred to four treasures needed to open up the ruin, but each bit left out the most important bit: a physical description. Hence his frustration and need for .

Knock at the door?

Knock at the door.

"Hey, are you Professor Alden?"

The wired professor turned around to see none other than a man and a woman, both wearing a red hooded sweater cut at the midriff, with both choosing not to wear their hoods up. The male had perfectly coiffed brown hair, and larger than normal ears. The lady had hair that reached down to her shoulderblades, and had been dyed a deep purple. It was also held in place by a red headband. Her face had a beauty mark above her lip, to the right, but was otherwise featureless.

"W-what is this? WHAT DO YOU WANT?" The Professor yelled in fear, slowly losing control of the pitch of his voice.

"Ow!" Rodney winced in pain, "Okay, uh, whatever. Look, we're part of this group called Team Magma, and we're supposed to, uh, convince you to help us to open up that big group o' rocks outside town, 'cause you're supposed to be an expert on them and whatnot. Anyway, come with us."

"What if I refuse?" Alden's bleary eyes narrowed, his voice barely audible.

Rodney rolled his eyes, then gave a gentle nudge to his partner, "You take care of this one."

Carrie fumbled in her pocket, and pulled out a pokeball, which she proceeded to drop on the floor.

"Oops." Carrie bent over to pick it up.

"Nice thong," stated a voice coming from behind the couple.

* * *

**Three guesses who the person behind them is.**


End file.
